Spanx – Genius, or just plain Evil??

If you’ve ever been a bride or a bridesmaid, mother of the bride or groom, wedding guest, gone to prom or homecoming, or just needed to wear some clothes that aren’t very forgiving, you’ve probably heard of or tried Spanx. I think these garments are a mixed blessing. How wonderful to smooth out all the lumps and bumps that you were not able to lose, or aerobicize and weight-lift into submission, before the big event (or even before trying dresses on for the big event). This garment looks like a pair of pantyhose, but without feet–it reaches from just under your bra, to the middle of your thighs. It takes a lllooonnnggg time to put on, because if it fits correctly, it is REALLY tight! And body parts may not land exactly where they belong when you are done. I listened to my dear bride-to-be daughter tell me how her first effort to don Spanx resulted in her belly button ending up under her right boob. She showed me, while she was driving us to the bridal shop, how she had to use both arms to pull the Spanx away from her body enough for her poor navel to return to its natural resting place.

The bridal gown was tried on with the requisite Spanx, and the effect was stunning! Curves where there should be curves, smooth where appropriate, and the dress was declared perfect! Unfortunately, the combination of the dress with the structure built in and laced up the back, and the Spanx, left the poor girl unable to sit down comfortably! There were lots of chuckles over her effort to appear nonchalant while trying to bend in half against the forces of the super-strength garments. Oh well, as she pointed out, she won’t be doing much sitting at her Las Vegas wedding!

Bride-to-be’s younger sister tried on bridesmaid dresses while wearing her Spanx. She put them on before leaving home, to save time in the fitting room. They did their job during the dress-modeling session to make the sample dresses look great! Thanks to their help, a dress was easily chosen and properly ooh’d and aah’d over before our afternoon was done. But the gasps and groans on the way home, after a stop for a late lunch, told the tale of an unrelenting force that just didn’t want to quit.

OMG, do I even WANT to try putting this thing on? Yes, I have to make the effort, or trying on dresses could be traumatic for this 53 year old woman who is not in the best of shape. I must have made a serious error in choosing the size of my Spanx garment though. It took less than a minute to put on, left all of my body parts right where they belong, and when I was done, I didn’t really look any slimmer. Yup, I recheck the size chart and see that I need a smaller size. I’m not sure I have the courage to do this, but I am feeling very empowered at the thought of needing a smaller size so I will persevere because that isn’t usually how things work around here! So before shopping for my dress can begin in earnest, there will be Spanx in a smaller size, and probably more fun stories about misplaced body parts. <sigh> The things we do for our kids…

I can’t wait for our next shopping trip. Both daughters have chosen their dresses, but I have not. We will set out for a weekend of dress shopping in spring. Perhaps I can lose 50 pounds by then, and tone up whatever remains, so I won’t even NEED the help of my Spanx! Yeah, I don’t believe it either… But memories of the moments we share while doing this together will last forever, as will the pictures of us squished to photographic perfection in our gorgeous wedding attire. So I officially declare Spanx to be pure genius!